Jeff Schimmel sets a new record in the desert last thursday, while trying to find a restroom.  Mr. Schimmel was driving for several hours when he felt the lunch he had eaten earlier.

   When asked why he didn't go in the desert, Mr. Schimmel replied, "I don't want no government satellite watching me take a &#@!."

   Mr. Schimmel's record speed would never have been recorded if not for Dave Barry from NASA.  As Mr. Barry reports, "I was just surveying the landscape with NASA's North American satellite, when I saw him.  I couldn't believe how fast that sucker was going in that little beetle.  I clocked him going 863 miles per hour."

   Mr. Barry has since been under review for improper use of government hardware.  Mr. Schimmel is relieved.